COMPARISONITIS: Why it’s happening and how to make it stop.

The internet is calling comparisonitis:

The compulsion to compare one's accomplishments to another's to determine relative importance.

Theodore Roosevelt said “comparison is the thief of joy.”

And I think we can all agree that it is. I think we can all also agree that scrolling through social media is one of the biggest places it shows up for us. Scrolling through everyone else’s highlight reels while curled up on the couch next to a pile of Barbie clothes, wearing Christmas pajamas in February, eating a bowl of colossal cookie crunch ice-cream, wondering how I’ll pull of a one-piece bathing suit all summer is not my idea of how a successful entrepreneur spends her evenings. But alas, I am human. And we humans all have brains that are wired the same.

Comparing ourselves to others is our norm.

And when we do it all the time it becomes as natural as breathing. Our brains tell our bodies to breathe when we’re deprived of oxygen, and our brains tell us we’re not [fill-in-the-blank] enough when we see something we want but don’t have.

Sometimes it motivates us. Most of the time the motivation is to try to be like someone else… from a place of feeling like garbage. And when we feel like garbage, we make decisions based on the belief that we are undeserving of anything other than more garbage. We show up as dispensable, or worse, as something other than who we really are. (HINT: You are NOT garbage.)

And when we try to show up as someone we’re not, our power and truth becomes diluted and we’re more easily swayed to try yet another TikTok hack. Because even though we think we’re trying to better ourselves, we’re really just mimicking someone else’s self. Which simply won’t lead you to fulfillment—rather it will lead you to another worm hole of trends you’re not [whatever]-enough for.

I think enough is enough.

Yes, we ALL go through this! Yes, it IS normal. 

But is comparisonitis truly serving you?

If the answer is HECK NO, stick with me. I’m not going to teach you how to ignore it, or quit it cold-turkey. I’m not going to tell you that we can make it disappear.

I am telling you that comparisonitis is actually a gift—handing you truth and expansion.

Do you want truth and expansion? Your wish is my command…

Three tools for transforming the kryptonite of comparisonitis into your unique superpower:

#1: THE MIRROR

Use comparisonitis as a magic mirror, reflecting back to you your truest desires.

I’m not talking about superficial things driven by your ego… like a car or a house or a million dollars. Those things are great, and I’m not knocking those… I’m talking about the DEEPest desires of your heart. 

YOUR desires are placed in YOUR heart because they’re YOURS to create. Other people had desires in their hearts, and they created them. And when you see these people living what you think is YOUR dream, get curious and see what is really making you green with envy.

Is it really their car/house/$1M? Or is it their confidence, zest for life, or healthy relationship? Once you find out what’s beneath the feeling of lack—beneath the “I don’t have what they have”—you’ll see that deep inside your heart is your own desire wanting YOU to bring it to life in the way that only YOU can.

One area of my life that felt really empty for a long time was friendship. In my lifetime there have really only been a handful of women who I could say knew me to my core and loved me anyway… and I them. But I can say now, that that hole has been filled (what feels like miraculously) with women who I know don’t judge me, truly love me, see my potential, love me for who I want to become… and I them. And recognizing that desire (by questioning my jealousy) was how I was able to recognize the shape of the void I was feeling.

#2: THE TELESCOPE

Our brains are the most powerful tools! And one special area is called the reticular activating system. We all have one, and it acts like a telescope searching our surroundings looking for examples of what we want. 

Right now my husband is talking about maybe trading his car in on a Jeep. And now, all I see, everywhere I go, is a Jeep. Has this happened to you when you were buying a car? It’s not that Jeeps weren’t always there, it’s just that I wasn’t telling my telescope to look for them… subconsciously of course.

Back to the friendship example: If I’m desiring true friends, my brain is going to naturally search out examples to show me. And that’s all I’m going to see everywhere I look… happy girlfriends having the best time ever! 

And… If you’re not aware that your brain is giving you this gift, you’re going to feel really bad about it—jealous, envious—and throw yourself a pity party of one. “Why them and not me? What do they have that I don’t?” 

When you ARE aware of your trusty telescope at work, you can instead THANK your brain—thank God/the Universe—for showing you what’s possible for YOU!!! Each of your desires come in all shapes and sizes, and now you can see the options available to you for fulfilling them.

#3: THE MAGNIFYING GLASS

What you focus on grows. Are you going to focus on what you DON’T have, or what you DO have that can expand?

I like to look at life like a catalog, like God is showing me all the possibilities all around me and I get to choose what I want! [HINT: Because I truly believe there is more than enough to go around… of whatever it is you want! From money, to health, to success… just because someone else hasn’t doesn’t mean there’s not enough for you to have it, too.] If we focus on life like that, like everything you want is 100% available to you, and all I have to do is decide what variety you want… then you get to EXPAND upon what you already have to make it happen.

Remember, these are YOUR desires. YOU already have unique skills, talents, and natural tendencies. And you now have a JCPenney catalog on steroids of desirable outcomes to custom tailor for YOU.

What are you saying yes to? What are you saying no to? Focus on what YOU ALREADY POSSESS that can GROW, rather than what you DON’T have.

Because if you focus on what you don’t have… you’re going to get more of that. Your reticular activating system is going to show you more of that. 

What friendships do I already have that I can focus on strengthening? How am I already being a friend that I can improve upon? Who in my life is waiting for me to see them as a friend?

I know how COMPARISONITIS can cause us to spiral, make us feel like a POS, and affect how we show up in the world. 

I know that it keeps us playing small, keeps our light “hidden under a bushel”, it keeps us from putting ourselves in situations that will help us impact more people. 

We are expansive beings and we’re meant to GROW!!! OUR desires are meant to be made manifest BY US. And comparisonitis is the kryptonite to your superpowers.

Are you going to pack up these three tools and take them with you next time your eyes turn green?

Or do you think you might need a few more tools and a safe space to practice using them?

I’m thinking about creating a 6-week small group workshop.

(The details aren’t laid out yet, I want to see who is interested.) But I have 6 weeks of homework mapped out, we’ll do some deep-dive digging into what’s behind your comparisonitis, and practice transforming it from crippling to convicting.

What becomes possible when your powers aren’t stolen away by airbrushed faces and photoshopped landscapes?

It will be called...

Conquering Comparisonitis

In this 6 week, small group workshop you’ll no longer lead your life with comparison and fear and confidently step into your power with conviction and faith.

Attendees will receive:

• 6 weeks of 45-60m live group Zoom calls (time TBD upon who participates)
• Tactical and practical ways to shift your perspective with "homework" and journal prompts
• Training on the brain science behind why you can't help but compare
• Healing and clearing of old beliefs, the root of comparing
• Finding your uniqueness 
• Live hot-seat coaching
• Facebook group/peer support
• And probably more... definitely customized for this first beta group

This beta group will be perfect for those who are:

• In direct sales/MLM, hesitant to put yourself out there because you’re not as XYZ as the next gal
• A new entrepreneur or freelancer, hesitant to share your gifts because they’re not good enough yet
• A seasoned business owner, hesitant to offer a new product or service because you feel like a rookie

Get on the waitlist for Conquering Comparisonitis right here!

PS-I went LIVE in Facebook, LIT UP about sharing my thoughts on this. If you missed it, head over here. You can meet me there every Wednesday at 1PM EST!