How to ask for help—without a side of guilt!

I was recently invited to speak at a women’s leadership networking event, and while that was an honor in and of itself, the true honor was being able to attend other presentations. Because of my schedule I was only able to attend a few, but the takeaways within the ecosystem of incredible, professional, high-achieving women was outstanding.

We learned about a global mindset crisis happening with teen girls. We heard the value of never measuring yourself with someone else’s measuring stick. We were inspired by the overall theme of making true connections and building relationships with others. 

But the one that stood out, as the one place many women suffer (not just the women in that room but women everywhere), was this...

We could really use some help asking for help.

There seems to be a universal theme that we women can—and should—do it all. And not just “do it all” as in “get it all done”. More like, “do it all” with a smile, with ease, and to perfection. From running the house, to a family, to a career, to how we dress, and how we spend our free time… and Oh! Don’t forget self care!

It kept coming up in different context throughout the presentations I attended: One woman asked how to prioritize long to-do lists, others asked about time management. When women spoke about having incredible support in the form of a spouse, others asked “what about single moms?” These were high-achieving women in the peak of their careers, all struggling with the same things we all struggle with.

I know this isn’t news to you. I know you’ve heard about it, talked about it, read about it, b*tched about it, and certainly felt it to the core.

But what do we DO about it? 

Simple. Ask for help.

Easier said than done, though, right? 

Only if you want to believe that it’s easier said than done. Because that means you get to wear it as a badge of honor. That means you get to use it as an excuse for not doing things that terrify you as much as they light you up. That means you can feel busy and keep yourself distracted from energy drains and painful things that you simply just don’t want to deal with.

But what if it was simple to ask for help? It can be, and I’m going to prove to you why…

ASKING FOR HELP IS A DOUBLE BLESSING.

GIVING IS A BLESSING:

I live on a cul de sac with a bunch of really cool families, and we’ve really enjoyed making friends with our neighbors over the years. So when I get that text that says, “hey, we’re making our dad a cake and we don’t have any eggs, do you have a few extra?” I grab the entire carton, ask if they need anything else, and run over (or send the kids over)… even in pajamas.

Of all the families on the street, I’m HAPPY to be the one they felt comfortable asking for eggs! And I’m more than happy to let them raid the kitchen if they need to! 

They need eggs, I’m excited to give.

Have you ever wanted to leave the office for a coffee run, and actually WANT to get coffee for your coworkers?

Have you ever passed incredible musicians in the subway and stop and give them money just because they made you smile?

Having the ability to share with another human FEELS REALLY GOOD. Science proves it! Dopamine, Oxytocin and Sertonin are released by our brains exciting reward, creating bonds with others, reduces stress, and creates feelings of accomplishment and pride.

DOUBLE BLESSING!!

RECEIVING IS A BLESSING:

Double blessings don’t just come in the form of doing favors. They come in the form of receiving them inside a ZONE OF GENIUS. We all have unique gifts and talents, things that come intrinsically easy to us and not to others. We also have things we’ve been trained on, spent 10,000+ hours on, and become an expert at—things that others haven’t.

You want someone else to cut your grass, meanwhile a father who started a landscaping company on the side wants to make extra money doing something he loves: cutting grass.

I could go on for days, it is literally the foundation of our economy—especially small business. You don’t want to do something or don’t know how, so you exchange money with someone who LOVES IT, is efficient at it, is an expert at it, and knows more about it.

DOUBLE BLESSING!!

And what happens after that? The buck doesn’t stop there, does it? No, it keeps going. In fact, it could even turn into a TRIPLE blessing!

So the next time you’re feeling stressed, overwhelmed, with too much on your plate, whining about how you don’t have time or money or energy to XYZ… Please stop. Breathe. And get creative. About how you can turn the single ball of negative energy, into two positive ones. AND shake the guilt at the same time. 

By thinking YOU have to be the one "doing it all" you're taking away opportunities for others to feel a sense of value, fulfillment and joy. 

What can you ask your spouse to do? Your kids? Your neighbors? Your friends? What would make them feel like a REALLY valuable person in your life by gifting them with a little trust and teamwork?

We all have the power to choose to create double-blessings… to give AND receive… and the best part? It really is simple.