Unveiling the True Self: How to Keep Going in Moments of Shadow

 (Image Credit: Photo by Suhyeon Choi on Unsplash )

When I go places I hear things, compliments… lovely amazing compliments! Compliments about things I’ve always felt inadequate around: “Every bucket in your life seems overflowing with amazingness!” “Your business is doing so well, congratulations!” “You’re everywhere, you’re so good at social media!”

I’m legitimately in shock every single time.

I’m very hard on myself. I push myself to excel in many areas. I don’t compare myself to others online, but I’m very good at comparing myself to myself. And I feel like I never hold a candle to the version of myself I want to become. I’m truly humbled by compliments and in complete shock because I have a hard time believing that’s what they see. Because it’s not what I see.

(I’m learning to receive. It’s something I’m working pretty hard on. It seems like it should be easy, and may be for some… but for me it’s quite difficult.)

And I’m realizing I’m the person who’s showing their highlight reel on social media. I’m the person only posting the good stuff.

I know the harm in that. I work in the industry. I know how it can affect some people, and how it can affect how some look at their own lives. I know some people compare highlight reels to their own real life and see a gaping hole.

And—I also know I’m not the kind of person to air my dirty laundry. Or post crying photos. Or whine about the dark moments in my life. I don’t use social for pity or attention or “friends.”

I use social media for business. I show my business side. I show how I like to humanize business as a solo-preneur who works from home in this incredibly flexible world. As a mom who chooses to flex her schedule AND show her girls what it means to work hard at something you actually enjoy doing… with people you enjoy doing it with!

I have dark days. I cry. I stress. I worry from time-to-time. I yell, get angry and say things I don’t mean.

I stress eat and steal my kids’ watermelon sour patch kids.

I stay in my car sometimes because I’m not ready to go inside.

Sometimes I over-work. Sometimes I over-sleep.

I worry about business. I make unhealthy choices. I make mistakes.

What people see of me on social IS true. And… there are other parts of my life that are just as true. Sure, some are picture-perfect. Some are horrible. Some are stressful. Some are painful in every sense of the word. 

This is life. To think everyone living and breathing doesn’t experience the fullness of it every single day is… well… incorrect.

Pain, sadness, darkness, torment, pressure, stress, feelings that overwhelm every sense in your body... those are part of life. Those are necessary for growth. Those are what propel healing and learning and deeper connection with self and others.

But we can’t stay in that space… we must keep going.

So if you’re in a dark place right now…

•  Know you are NOT alone
•  There are lessons there for you
•  There is healing there for you
•  There is growth on the horizon
•  This will deepen your relationships if you allow it: with yourself and others
•  This is just a season, and seasons come and go.

You have choices to make… many a day. But the most important choices you can make are your thoughts. Take a pause, pay attention to what’s running through your head, and choose thoughts that support your goals, dreams and desires; that support where you’re going and not where you’ve been; that are loving and kind to yourself, think thoughts about yourself that you’d think about the person you love the most. 

Don’t accept the rest. 

Don’t feed the doubt, fear, and lack. 

Don’t spin out on what could have been. 

Don’t believe your own made-up stories about things that may or may not happen.

Don’t focus on thoughts you don’t want to multiply—the thoughts that make you feel even more pain, sadness, and worry.

Introspection and curiosity are part of personal growth. 

Personal growth is at the core of business and relationship growth.

What comes out of it is ever-evolving, too. We’re all on this journey together. Experiencing the shareable moments and shadow ones.

Face the light. Receive its gift. Take the compliment. Choose your thoughts. Be kind. Be humble. Be grateful. And let’s keep going.