New level, new devil.

When change is on the horizon—big, scary, life-altering change—something inside your brain hits the panic button.

Not once.

Over and over and over!!!

STOP! 

STOP WHAT YOU’RE DOING RIGHT NOW! 

YOU CAN’T DO THAT!!

YOU KNOW WHAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN!

YOU KNOW YOU’RE GOING TO GET HURT AGAIN!!

REMEMBER THE LAST TIME CHANGE HAPPENED? HOW BAD IT HURT? 

STOP RIGHT NOW!!!

THERE’S ONLY ONE WAY THIS ENDS… TERRIBLY!!!

It triggers feelings of anxiety in your body.

You can’t focus.

You feel the panic as your heart races, your breathing is shallow, you can’t sit still and you have pangs in your stomach.

You hear its rationale… it makes sense.

Part of you totally agrees.

While another doesn’t. 

There’s another part… the part that wants the change. The part that made the decision to head in this direction in the first place.

Then there’s a critic… she’s a real meanie. She’s watching all this happen and she’s saying, “Why are you being so ridiculous? Stop being such a baby.”

You hear that, too. And she makes sense.

And now, on top of anxiety, you feel guilt and shame.

And the breathing gets shallower.

Attention reduces to zero.

Stress eating turns to full-blown fast… wanting to puke at the thought of food.

And you want to run.

RUN.

Faster.

Exhaust your body in hopes to exhaust and slow down your mind.

You want peace.

You know that none of this is healthy.

But you can’t help it.

This is how I’m feeling right now as I write this. All day. I’ve tried to ignore it. Journal about it. Meditate. Deep breathe. Run. I want it to go away.

But I know there’s a lesson in here for me. I know there’s a part of me that only needs me. And I want to be there for that part.

And part of being there for me, means reaching out for help.

Sometimes we can’t get out of the spiral on our own. Sometimes we need someone to hold space, lend an ear, let you know you’re not alone, and help you uncover what’s really beneath the fear. The real reason for the panic button. 

Chances are, it’s not the thing you’re facing right now. It’s not really the new level. It’s something that’s already transpired. Something we haven’t fully healed from.

It’s normal. It’s okay. And it’s time to face it, acknowledge it. Thank it for showing itself to you. Send it so much love.

Know you’re not alone. Know that you’ve got this. Know that this will pass. And know that the next level is totally worth this painful healing.

Because healed people heal people.