[Self] love is…

 🎥 Watch the Replay 🎥

In late July my husband and I attended a wedding of one of his childhood friends. The entire weekend was just so special—seeing old friends, making new ones, and celebrating a commitment between two amazing people. Between the church and the venue, the rehearsal dinner to the farewell brunch, every detail was gorgeously laid out.

Give me a reason to get black-tie ready and I’m there!! But what I really love (and what always makes me cry happy tears) is an old-fashioned Catholic wedding. The depth of tradition, the sacredness of the space, and the way the music fills every corner of it gets me every time. 

And this time, it was the second reading that hit me especially hard.

First Corinthians 13 is not only popular for Catholics, but also this bible verse is a household one. Growing up my mother had it framed on the wall (in fact I’m pretty sure she still does). “Love is patient, love is kind…”

For some reason, that 1,284,389th time of hearing it was different. Had I changed? Had my perspective shifted? Because it hit me like a ton of bricks. 

I had always considered this message to be speaking to two people (literally any two people because we’re supposed to “love” our neighbors). And this is a PERFECT reading for a wedding.

This time, though, something shifted.
I realized it could also mean this is how you can love
YOURSELF. 

I’ve struggled with really truly loving myself for the majority of my life. I’ve only come around since I’ve had children of my own—holding them in my arms showed me what true love really felt like. And that true love made it obvious to me that the way I had treated myself for so long was the exact opposite of how I “loved” others, my “neighbors”. 

My whole life I found it very easy to follow the rules when it came to other people. Friends, foes, it didn’t matter. You want me to love others? Turn the other cheek? Love them as they are? Okay! I will. And I did.

But myself? I missed the mark… big time. 

Only until recently have I been treating myself with love—the way I talk to myself, look at myself, and hold space for myself. So when the second reading started, it was like time stood still. I truly “heard” every line.

I don’t want this blog to turn into anything regarding theology or interpreting scripture… I do not have the knowledge or experience to even try. I’m including the full passage here so you’ll have a chance to read it through the lens of what it might mean to love yourself.

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.

And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.

If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. 

For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. 

When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. 

For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.

So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

On the drive home from the wedding weekend I thought a lot about this new perspective. I thought about my younger self, my current life, and I thought about my role as a parent to two blessed little girls and how important it is that I teach them how to love themselves while they’re little… actually, we’ll all be learning together. 

• We can say (speak in the tongues of men and of angels) we love ourselves, but how often do we ignore or desire for alone time, deprive ourselves of nourishment, and spread ourselves too thin? 
• How nicely do we speak to ourselves when we look in the mirror?
• How many times do we lean on our faith (all faith, so as to remove mountains) and say “if it’s meant to be it will happen,” without believing enough in ourselves—that we not only have what it takes but were gifted with what it takes? 
• How easily do we let “shoulds” or “have-tos” lead us down a path that we don’t love (but have not love, I am nothing)? Isn’t designing and living a life that we truly desire truly loving ourselves?
• Is self-sabotage truly loving yourself? Shouldn’t we fill our own cups before we pour (give away all we have), wouldn’t that be best for everyone involved?
• “Comparisonitis” is a new word these days. It’s easy to get caught up in someone else’s feed and only see the lack in your life (envy). But did we forget that we’re all 100% unique? That their path is theirs, and your path is yours, and my path is mine, and none of them are supposed to be identical?
• Do we get mad at ourselves (arrogant or rude) without giving ourselves grace?
• Do we ever disrespect ourselves (rejoice at wrongdoing), or dishonor the gifts we were given by letting them go to waste? 
• Do we forgive ourselves, or continue to beat ourselves up when we don’t hit the goal (irritable or resentful)?
• Do we protect ourselves, our space, our time from things that no longer serve us (rejoices with the truth)? 
• Do we question what else might be possible for us (believes all things, hopes all things), with a “this or something greater” mindset?

I know I have room to grow in many of these areas, and I’m guessing you do, too.I know I have room to grow in many of these areas, and I'm guessing you do, too. It's important to love our "neighbor," sure, but sometimes it's important to remind ourselves we're the neighbor we're always stuck with. That neighbor deserves some love, too.

Now tell me, what do you LOVE about YOU? 

I truly want to know, somewhere deep inside you're ready to share it, too. Shoot me an email with your biggest takeaway.