Balancing work and life

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With the year-and-a-half to two years we've just had, it feels more impossible than ever to have a good work-life balance. 

Everybody's working from home, everybody's tied to their computer screens in Zoom calls. Everybody's stressed out. It's been a really, really challenging couple of years and work-life balance is one of those hot-button issues that everybody’s been feeling like they suck at. 

This topic came up for me today because my daughter had a major, mega meltdown this morning. And it reminded me of a few years ago when I had had two girls in two years while running my business from my house (which I chose to do from the start… we were definitely ahead of the curve with that one!). The girls were in daycare, and they were sick a lot. There were many, many, many times, within a couple of years, that I wasn't sure what my day was going to bring. I thought I would wake up, bring them to daycare, and come home and work until it was time to pick them up. But there were so many days when they were just too sick to go. And I would have a full schedule of things to do, with a sick baby or toddler (or two) who needed their mommy. It was a very stressful time for me because there were so many things running through my head. 

“I can't be a great mom and a successful business owner at the same time.”

“How can I focus on being a great designer when my kids are home?”

“I want to be a mommy first but I’ve made promises to clients who are paying me good money to fulfill those promises.”

My stress level went through the roof every time I felt conflicted between work… and life.

We all know when our stress is up it's SO much harder to make decisions, SO much harder to concentrate and focus, and becomes that much more difficult than when we're calm and level-headed. 

The key to balancing work and life is as simple as a shift in perspective.

Think about a marble. It's perfectly whole. And so where are we! We are humans. We live a whole life. There are many different pieces to us—we’re not just work, and we're not just life. We are a whole beautiful, perfect person. We're wonderfully made. Marbles usually have a lot of different colors in them. If the colors can represent different areas of your life, like health, relationships, career/purpose, and taking care of yourself. At the end of the day, like they're all still together—all of the colors are swirled in together. As you spin the marble and look at it, some colors become larger than others, some pieces look smaller than others. Isn't that what it's like every day of our lives. Each area of our lives shows up each day of our lives. If you’re a parent, that never truly shuts off. If you’re an entrepreneur, that doesn’t either! Neither does how you nourish your body and mind, and how you find moments throughout your day to rest in gratitude.

We are whole people, everything is integrated all the time. So the idea of work-life balance shouldn't even be a thing. IT IS NOT REAL. Hopefully, that mindset shift will help you show up in a bigger, brighter, more confident way.

Here are my top tips for optimal integration of all areas of your life so that you feel more balanced.

1) Prioritize things in each area of your life. Then prioritize the top ones against each other. So when sh!t hits the fan—sick kids, deadline projects, and the power is out—you know exactly what needs to get done first, second and third. 

The alternative to NOT doing this, to having NO idea what’s the most important, then everything is going to feel important. You're not going to know what to do first, you may freeze, and your stress level will skyrocket, making everything feel harder than it has to be. 

Knowing what takes priority in each area of your life will really and truly help you—not just in work/life balance but in scheduling your days, in thinking about how you use your energy and setting boundaries, etc. 

2) Define “success”: Know what success looks like in each area of your life (you get to decide, it’s your life). Does being a great mom mean that you have to spend 24/7 with your kids in their face, teaching them stuff and showing them stuff? Or is being a good mom also giving them space to play and use their imagination. There's a lot of different things that are involved in being a great mom, or being a great business owner, or being really healthy, or having a great relationship with your spouse. 

3) Define how “success” feels in each area of your life. Our thoughts and emotions are closely tied together when it comes to our brain chemistry, and knowing how you want to feel in each area of your life is also very important. Be intentional about it. Thoughts create emotions, it's not the other way around. In business, I want to feel confident, energized, inspired and successful. And in my family life, I want to feel at home, comfortable, loved, I want to focus on loving. Then when it is time for whatever it's time for, you can choose to do the things that make you feel that way which will help lead you to feeling “successful” feelings in that area of your life. 

4) Be intentional with your time. You know what else isn’t real? Multi-tasking. (Go ahead, Google the brain science behind it.) We all only have 24 hours in a day. So if you've prioritized what's important in each area of your life, and you know how you want to feel in each area of your life, you can block out time to focus on the task at hand.

Forever instance, I have had many laughs with my husband when he’ll say something like, “how are you home all day, and there's still dirty dishes in the sink?” It's because when I say I'm working, I'm working. I'm not thinking about dishes (or laundry, or vacuuming). After I drop my kids off at school I will walk right through a messy kitchen and into my office because I know this is my time to work. That's what I've prioritized, and that's exactly what I do. I don't let myself get distracted by things that are of less importance. The dishes can get done whenever the dishes get done.

5) Be realistic about what-ifs. I think that it's very easy to get stressed out when we're thinking about possible worst-case scenarios: What if I don't get that project on time?; What if I don't send an email right now?; What if I don't do something perfectly?; What if I don't hit this goal at this exact time? 

What if you don’t? Who cares? Only you should, it’s your life. You get to choose how you experience the what-ifs. You get to not care what other people think about you. Okay, okay, at the end of the day, you have to provide great value and great products/services in your business… but every minute of every day needs to be focused on that. 

When the mean what-ifs pop up, get curious about them. Could the worst happen? Sure. Or it might not. Everything might be fine. Things might work out better than you expected! That deadline might be able to get pushed, clients might really want to reschedule the meeting but they’re too afraid to tell you! You are the leader of your life. You are the leader of your business. You get to step into that, set boundaries, and do things the way that will help you feel successful in all areas of your life. 

6) Be present. THAT’S how to truly feel fulfillment. When you’re working, give it your full attention. When you’re parenting, give your kids your full attention. When you’re meditating, when you’re going for a walk, when you’re washing dishes… be present. THAT’S WHERE THE JOY IS. 

7) This is my favorite! STOP the stories you're telling yourself. If you think to yourself, every day, and truly believe, that you suck at work/life balance… that it’s SO hard…. that literally, no one is good at it so it’s not possible for you either… then that’s exactly what you’re going to experience.

But is that really true? I feel like I kind of crush it at work/life balance so I can be proof to you that it is possible. Do I have my moments? Abs-a-frickin-lutely. I also prioritize FEELING GOOD and find as many ways to hack the system as I can. Because I know that’s how I show up as my best, each and every day. It’s a practice, and I choose to practice at this because I want to always continue to do better and to BE better.

Have you ever said, “I’ll sleep when I'm dead”? And cram a ton of shit into your day without prioritizing health and sleep? Eventually, that's going to burn you out. That is not going to help you live a fulfilling, wholesome life. Because life is everything. It's all of it. You are all of it.

What stories are you saying to yourself over, and over, and over? 

When you feel like life is hard, life is stressful, and you're always buried, and you're always putting out fires… 

Are you perpetuating that story? Has it become a self-fulfilling prophecy? 

What if you perpetuated something else instead?

I am perfectly balanced in my life.

I'm present right now.

I feel motivated, confident and successful right now.

I know that when I'm focused at work, I'm going to get done what needs to get done and I'm going to do it to the best of my ability today.

I am a leader of my life.

Success is inevitable in everything I do.

I am a master at handling everything that comes my way.

I’m doing the best I can, and some days my best is better than others.

Happiness IS a choice. 

Happiness is a feeling and thoughts create emotions. So what thoughts make you happy about your health, your marriage, parenting, entrepreneurship, your career? What thoughts make you happy about being a leader in every area of your life? You choose you get to choose. 

You are whole. 

You are perfectly balanced. 

You are made exactly the way you are meant to be. 

And you just like this marble can keep on rolling. 

I can help you define and design success in each area of your life. START NOW by booking a call with me.